Dealing with heartbreak and loss has been the theme for me the past two years, but they have also been my most successful in the fitness industry.
In some ways, I have not had a chance to enjoy my successes because of the depression I’ve experienced over the loss of my grandmother and best friend Agnes Bailey.
If it weren’t for my children, losing my grandmother would have driven me over the edge. I was completely lost and on my way to a dark place.
Crying in front of my 11-year-old daughter when she said to me, “Daddy, what would Mommy Stasia say if she saw you crying right now?” I looked up through my tears and said to my daughter, “Mommy Stasia would say come Ferlan, stop that sh*t and buck up.”
It was from that day on I focused my anger and depression toward my training and show preparation. At that time, preparing for my competition helped me deal with the loss I was feeling and also made me train and diet to make my grandmother proud. This was the best form of therapy for me and I learned a lot about myself during that dark time.
Now two years later, I am struck with the passing of two dear friends and a mentor all in the span of two weeks while I am once again preparing for a bodybuilding competition. Suffering the sudden passing of my grandmother taught me how to somewhat deal with loss and heartbreak and so once again, I am using my training as an anti-depressant .
My two dear friends Compton Budhan and Dean New were huge supporters of my bodybuilding journey and were so excited to see me compete this summer that I’m driven by their memory and love to finish this journey strong.
Bodybuilding saved my sanity and life in so many ways, I can’t imagine where or who I’d be without the outlet of the journey to the stage.